i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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