I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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