he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
