The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
