If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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