I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's always time for handjobs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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