I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
