Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
