he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
