Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
