STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
