I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
