Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
