probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
