The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I need water and some morals
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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