Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
