peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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