she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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