Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
