I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your dad touched me again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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