and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
