At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
