I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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