I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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