just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize