the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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