i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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