my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
