9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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