tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
