D3 body, D1 cock
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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