he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
