Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
