Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
