that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
