Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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