two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
