I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize