I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
