Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
