Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
