Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
