I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
