please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize