Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
