I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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