If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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