...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
