She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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