I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
