I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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