Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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