she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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