dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
