There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they're like a gay fantastic four
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
