Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
