Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
