Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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