From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
