It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
