the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
