in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
