just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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