Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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