I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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