i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pants are for mortals
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize