she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
