It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
