i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
