just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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