you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
