two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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