I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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