Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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