Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
