Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
