Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
