apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
