Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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