It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
