Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
