she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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