Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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