your parents love me but you hate me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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