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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
