The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
