Umm I'm too high to move.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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