I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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