Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
