is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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